Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Thoughts on becoming a mother...

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be good too if given the chance..

I will be a good mother not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother!


A Couple of Cards...

I finished these two cards for friends that are going through loss's in their families. I wanted to let them know that we were thinking of them. I am sort of happy with the vintage feel of this card but a little disappointed in how much the two patterned papers blend into one another. I thought because the patterns were so different but similar colors that it wouldn't matter as much.I'm not sure what the name of this paper is though (sorry ya'll!) I'm glad that I did ink the edges of the tea cup though! Unfortunately I do not have a die cutting machine or dies so I drew the tea cup out and cut it with my handy dandy scissors :) I then drew out a small tag shape in brown cardstock, stamped "Love" on it with brown in and inked the edges. I took a brown pen and drew an outline around the tag as well. Then I just attached a piece of twine and tucked it under the cup to make it look like it was a teabag coming out of the cup. For the bottom of the card, I tore the decorative paper and the base of the card across the bottom. Then I took some pretty lace trim and tucked it between the two layers and adhered it all together. The flowers are Prima and I just added some pink pearls to the centers of each flower. I'm not sure where I got the leaves. I left the inside blank except for my handwritten message.

For this card I used the same layout. The flowers are Prima with white pearl centers, and the same leaves (wish I knew where I got them.) The background paper is from my favorite paper stack.. the Mariposa stack by DCWV. I stamped a large Martha Stewart butterfly stamp twice using StazOn ink in black. Then I used my handy colored pencils and colored both butterflies to look the same. Then I fussy cut them out. I scored one of the butterflies on each side of its body and bent the wings up, then adhered the body of that butterfly to the second image so that it would look like a 3-d flying butterfly. Then I glued the base butterfly down to the card. I cut out another small tag shape in white and stamped "love" then outlined the tag and tied twine around the butterflies wing. I did the same technique as the first card with the bottom of the this card, but I used a different lace trim in white. I also left the inside of this card blank except for my handwritten message.

That pretty much sums up those cards. I need to make the card for CB's Card Sketch Challenge this month too! I keep forgetting, haha! I hope to get that finished tomorrow and posted as well! Thanks so much for taking a peek! I hope everyone is having a fun and safe weekend! Happy Memorial Day!  Click here for some interesting info on Memorial Day. (and don't forget to say a prayer for those we are remembering this holiday!)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Hiking & Weight loss update....

Me and my furball Lucky have been going hiking the last few days, since the weather has been nice. He follows me around and I genuinely enjoy his company. Not that I don't enjoy the other furballs and their company but Honey has to be on a leash, and the other one's do not walk with me and stick around. They tend to run off and do their own things. Lucky stays by my side and is so relaxed. He's not as hyper like the rest of them are. Anyway... I did a video of us taking a walk where we usually do. We typically walk in our yard and then up and down our insanely steep driveway a few times. Trust me, its a work out lol. I've lost 13 lbs to date and I have 52 lbs to lose to reach my initial goal. I have a ticker at the bottom of this page that I plain on updating often. I hope that by summer's end I can reach my initial goal, and then I will set a new goal after that. I just hope to weather cooperates with me. It rains here so much I feel like we live in Forks, Washington! LOL!

So I just wanted to share that little update, and also the vid that I posted on youtube about it....




I also want to say that I am praying for all those who have been dealing with the terrible tornado's and storms this season! You are all in our thoughts and prayers. And I also want to say to my friends who have been dealing with loss in their families, I'm also keeping you in our prayers as well! God bless you all!

Explosion Box + Tutorial

I made this explosion box for my mother in law for Mother's Day a few weeks ago and a few friends that saw the pictures on facebook asked if I would make a video on how to make one. It took me a while to get the video made and posted but its finally up (in 2 parts lol)... I guess I blabber too much so I always go over the time allotment. Bleh! Below are the videos, you can watch them on my youtube channel as well. Either way please let me know what you think and if you try out the tutorial! I would love to see what you can come up with it as well! I am going to be working on the box I made in the tutorial and will hopefully have it finished soon to share. I'm adding some new things to it that I didn't do in the original box (like pockets!) So that will be fun!


Each layer was distressed a ton to give it that vintage vibe.
I used alot of embellies and larger photos of her and her sons
to make it special for her as a mom =)

Here are the vid's: 








Thursday, May 19, 2011

Started a Starburst Throw...


Last night I started a new throw in a Starflower pattern (thats my name for it lol). I am really liking the simplicity of the pattern but the sophistication of the look when its crocheted up. I am making this one in purple, black and white for my niece Clair's room since her entire room is in this color scheme. I really really hope she likes it! I haven't gotten that much completed but its a good start and its so quick and easy that I think this will be finished rather soon. This would be a beautiful throw in so many different color schemes. I am really really considering selling these throws in my shop. If anyone is interested please let me know. I will be posting pictures of this one when it is completed but I was so excited with the way it is turning out so I had to share now! :)

In other news we found out this afternoon that my husbands workmans compensation for his injury was accepted so we will be getting some sort of income until his doctors appointment June 9th for his work release. The Lord is good thats all I can say!

I also want to mention that my friend Annette (CharmfulDelights on Youtube) is going through a really tough time right now. Her hubby was laid off because of serious medical issues and they are really struggling financially. She has been selling all of her craft supplies just to get by, and the poor dear just got slammed with property tax! I feel so badly for her so if anyone of you is interested in helping her out in anyway please visit her youtube channel and leave her some love. Or visit Laurel's blog where you can donate to her Spare Change Effort for Annette. You can also send her a message on your youtube channel and see what she may have up for sell that might interest you. I know that she is selling a really nice camera, and scrapping supplies. Thanks so much everyone...

I'm going to enjoy the rest of my Thursday with Homemade Spaghetti (yummers!) and my favorite shows... Vampire Diaries, American Idol, and GREYS ANATOMY! yay!!!

Wishing everyone a blessed Thursday!

More Baby Frustrations


I'm not really sure how much I have talked about our troubles conceiving and the trouble we have had trying to have a family of our own... but I want to take the time to tell everyone what has been going on with us and vent a little about things. This is MY blog and MY life... at this moment its a VERY important part of my life so I want to share with you and hopefully I wont share anything that is too uncomfortable for anyone, and if I do I greatly apologize.

My husband and I have been together 11 years this September. We have been married since August 2nd 2003. I have only been with 1 man, my husband in my life, and my husband has only been with me. I have not been on birth control since I was 18 years old and he has never used protection. (Stupid and something I definitely DO NOT condone) But when we were married we decided what ever happens, happens, and welcomed the opportunity of a family. For us it didn't happen that way. I have never conceived... and we have been trying for so long now. Last year we decided that maybe Adoption was our only option. So we went through an ordeal where we thought we were going to adopt and the parents decided before the child was born that they wanted to keep the child. That was pretty difficult for me because I jumped the gun and really thought it was going to work out. So I had all the stuff for the baby and everything. Now I know that I should have waited until the very last moment so that I knew that it was definite or not, and then maybe I wouldn't have went through such a huge emotional heartbreak. I told myself that I would never go through a situation like that again. I wouldn't open myself up for that kind of let down..... low and behold I didn't keep to my word at all and ended up being a sucker again.

My friend from high school found me on facebook and we were talking about kids and things and I mentioned that we have none and was telling her about the troubles we have been having etc. During all of our conversations she mentioned that she thought she could be pregnant and knew that she would not be able to take care of the child if she was. She asked me if Tim and I would be interested in adopting the child if she were pregnant. I blatantly told her that I did not want to set myself up for heartbreak again and that I was really skeptical of the situation only because I don't want to be hurt again. She told me that she understood and ASSURED me that it would never be like that because she couldn't hurt me that way. Let me say that this is not just some girl I went to school with. I grew up with her. I have known her since before Kindergarten and we practically grew up together. So I trusted her. After have many talks with her and a ton of serious conversations with Tim we told her that we would be honored. On Mother's Day night at around 11 or 12 she called me crying her eyes out and told me that she needed a place to stay and that she was kicked out of her home because her boyfriend broke up with her. So we got the money together to get her a bus ticket from NC to here and we went and picked her up Monday night. I wanted to help her but I let her know that I was also concerned for the child and if she was pregnant I wanted her to be here so that we could be there to help her during the pregnancy. Monday afternoon we talked seriously about the entire situation and I told her that I was VERY VERY worried about getting hurt. She again assured me that I wouldn't get hurt and that she was serious.. That night when Tim came home from work I told him about our talks and we were super excited about everything. On Tuesday morning we were sitting in our living room and I mentioned something regarding the adoption/pregnancy so that she could verify with Tim and she said that she was not pregnant that she had started her period. That really upset me but I shook it off and she mentioned that she still wanted to give us a family and that she would be interested in being a surrogate. So we looked up all the necessary information that morning. Tuesday night I asked her something else about it and she said... 'I just don't know this is all moving too fast.' So I left things alone and figured that she might be a bit overwhelmed. No problem. Nothing was mentioned or talked about further. However she spent most of the night on my computer and phone talking to her 'ex' boyfriend and some guy she knows in Colorado. I found it a bit odd that she was talking to her 'ex' that just booted her out the door... I know I wouldn't be talking to him! On Tuesday night when Tim got home from work I talked to him and told him that I felt that something was wrong and that she was changing her mind. I got that from her vibe, the things she was telling me in her convos with these guys, and just the over all atmosphere of our talks. I started to worry.. so we agreed to sit her down Wednesday and talk about it. Wednesday morning I said 'We have been talking and we really need to know where you are with all of this and if you are going to change your mind.'... Her statement was 'Well honestly I think this is all moving too fast. I have been thinking and I just want time for myself. I want to focus on me and I don't think this is what I want right now. I have been talking to ____ and he wants me to come to Colorado to visit so he got me a bus ticket and I will be leaving Saturday night.' So she basically turned 360 on us. I told her that I honestly was letting her stay with me because I thought she needed the help and we were helping her because she was helping us. I told her how important this was to us and then I had to leave the room. I cried all day and all night over it. I couldn't stop crying because she did just what she said she would NOT do to me. She ended up changing her ticket for Friday evening and that is when she left. My father in law took her to the bus station and I was under the impression that she was going to Colorado. However my father in law over heard her talking to someone on the phone and saw her ticket that said she was going to North Carolina. She claims that she went to NC and that the guy from Colorado flew to NC to get her luggage and stuff and drive her back to Colorado, but it doesn't add up to me. I don't believe it, I really think she went back to the fellow she was with in NC and just didn't know how to tell me. She lied to us. I found out after she left that she borrowed money from my in-laws and I really think she used us for a vacation to get away and money. I think she lied to us knowing she was never pregnant and never intended to help us in any way.

I can't see myself trusting another person in a situation like this. I'm hurt... and it really makes me lose hope on having a family.

To add to the stress my mother in law tells me that my sister in law is late and that upsets me because if she's pregnant she is able to give them another grandchild and I can't even give them one. I can't give my husband what we both want so much and I feel the pressure every single day from it. I find myself being envious of everyone who has children or who is pregnant... I feel myself feeling bitter and sad all at the same time. Its hard, and I'm sad... thats all I can say about it to be honest. She hurt me in the worst way, she pretended to give me something that means more to me than anything in this world, something I want soooo badly that I would practically do anything for it... and she just took it away with a snap of the finger. She teased me.... and for her to be such a 'good friend' is what hurts me the most. If I can't trust someone I grew up with from practically a baby.. who can I trust?


Happy Birthday to Bob!

Today is my father-in-laws birthday so I made him this card and just had to share!

Happy Birthday Pop!



Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!


Wednesday, May 18, 2011

A pretty good weekend

This past weekend was my nephew Michaels first birthday and he lives in North Carolina (where most of our family resides.) So we took a trip there so we could #1 celebrate Michaels 1st birthday at his party and #2 meet our niece Lexi for the first time!

Unfortunately my poor hubby had an accident at work on Thursday night resulting in a hospital stay and 5 bulging discs in his back! :( He was a trooper and didn't want to let his nephew down so we still took the trip. The drive down was ok until we hit the Virginia/North Carolina line and hit some CRAZY weather! It had me pretty freaked out! I hate heavy rain and not being able to see where we are going!

Just check out these crazy storm clouds! 
The party was Sunday morning and it was small but really fun. Michael was in a wonderful mood, and I was so happy to see him and spend time with him. He had a fascination with my locket and tried to make a snack of it a few times. LOL.

I was laughing at him because he wanted the camera. 

Tim's Parents with their grandson

My hubby with Michael

His totally cute cake!

He tried to get messy but he was more interested in the toys than
the actual cake lol. 
This guy was wandering around the park..

And Michael really enjoyed meeting him!

After the party we said goodbye to everyone there and headed to see my brother, sister in law, and baby niece Lexi. I was so excited to meet her for the first time! We didn't get the best pictures and folks I was looking rough by the time we got there! LOL. It was hot and I was tired, so please forgive my funkiness! ;)

Uncle Tim and Lexi

She's such a beautiful little girl, and her smile really makes the trip worth it!
I made Lexi a baby blanket shaped like a star in her nursery colors of pink, cream, and brown and her parents seemed to really like it. Our trip home was looong and tiring but I was sooo happily surprised when I was settled at home and sat down to check my email to find a beautiful picture of Lexi with her blanket! It really made me happy and surprised me in the best of ways!

I'm so glad everyone liked it :) I'm kinda proud of it! 

I finished a hat that I made for her and am working on a male version for my nephew. I will be selling these in my shop as well if anyone is interested! 

Minnie Mouse Beanie
Today I started a purple, white and black throw for my niece Clair and actually got a good bit of it finished... I will post pictures and everything soon. I need to work on a tutorial for the Exploding box I made for my mil for Mother's Day as well. My husband has been dealing with workman's comp and getting a work release from the doctors. Thats a big headache! The hospital referred him to a Neurologist and we called today for an appointment and they said they can't see him until June 9th. So now we are trying to find another doctor that can hopefully see him sooner and release him so he can go back to work, otherwise we are going to be in a BIG ko-ink-e-denk! Why do they always make things sooo difficult?! Other than that there's nothing much going on... I do have an important personal blog to post in a few about a situation that we recently went through, but thats another blog and I don't want to bring this one down much. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!! 

All my love, 

Monday, May 16, 2011

Lucky

Meet Lucky!

This little fellow is the newest rescue and addition to our family. He has been living in our woods behind the house and for weeks he would come around to visit with our other dogs but as soon as he saw or heard a human he would run away, scared for his life. We left out food for him and I never gave up trying to urge him to me. In a way Tim thought I was insane and was concerned for my safety. He was worried that the dog could be rabid or be too scared/nervous and turn on me.... but I never want to think of the negative when it comes to animals and I always give them the benefit of the doubt. Foolish, maybe... but I can't help it! A few days ago, Tim was leaving for work and the dog was sunning on our front porch, but this time instead of high tailing it to the woods he stayed shivering in fear. It was odd to both of us that he didn't run away like he normally does. We slowly approached him and I showed him that I was friendly and gained his trust so that he would come to me instead of me going to him. I think thats a lot of peoples mistakes when it comes to wild or stray animals. You can't forcefully approach a scared animal and pin it in a corner then expect it to remain calm. If you were trapped in a corner and scared for your life how would you react? Wouldn't you be defensive and fight for your life? I know that I would! Thats typically how animals react as well. Once he did come to me, I then let him smell me and then I slowly pet him on his head. Tim had to leave for work and he told me later that he knew seeing me with the dog when he was driving away that he would come home to a new roomie lol. Once Tim did leave I sat on the porch with the dog for several minutes just petting his head and then eventually he crawled into my lap and curled up. That was all it took for me really! I knew then that he was just scared, harmless, hungry and sort of "waving the white flag" to ask for help. He was sooo thin, and had pretty deep scarring on his ears and feet from injuries he must have gotten in the woods. I can only imagine what the poor guy has lived through!!! I immediately brought him in and bathed him, then I gave him wormer medicine as well as frontline to make sure he was pest free. Then I fed him a nice big bowl of food. Once he ate, he curled up on the couch and he's been my shadow ever since LOL! He's such a sweetheart and catches on soo quickly. Tim suggested that we call him Lucky and I agreed that it was a very suitable name for his situation and everything. I guess I'm a sucker guys, and its a really good thing that we have a big yard and lots of running room!! LOL. If I never have a child of my own, one things for certain, I will always have my furbabies!

Lucky sunning on the porch 

Friday, May 6, 2011

A beautiful day...

It was a gorgeous day today. I am sooo glad to see the sun shining and it was sooo beautiful. Has anyone ever noticed that the sky is so much bluer and everythings so much more brilliant after a storm or rain? It seems like it rains all the time lately and today was the first day in a week that we have not had a cloud in the sky. YAY! I just wanted to share some photos and a small video I made of the views from my front porch.

Everyone in our community and us call our home the house on the hill... because we are the only house on the hill overlooking all of the other homes. Our home is set in the woods and we have a long driveway that goes up the hillside through the woods. Its beautiful in the spring, summer, and fall... but a pain in the winter. Especially this past winter! We had so much snow and our driveway is so steep that its treacherous to try and drive up it in the snow. Soo we have to park at the bottom of the drive and hike up. NOT fun! Especially when we have groceries etc. Talk about a work out. On the bright side... 3/4's of the year its beautiful and so peaceful. I love the solitude, the views, and most of all nature! I just wanted to share!

This is the view from our front porch. Its absolutely beautiful. I love seeing the
mountains out of our living room windows. I love the way the colors are so vibrant. :)
Love this picture of the leaves :) 



I hope everyone has a beautiful weekend! =)